Discrimination of fat admiration

Fat discrimination is not only about people who discriminate against fat people. Fat discrimination is also about people who discriminate against those who admire fat people.

If you’re a fat woman then you know firsthand what it’s like to receive discrimination. I can tell you, as an admirer of fat women, that this is no different for me. And, it is no different for others who share my admiration for fat women.

My intention with this article is to raise awareness that Fat Admirers are also discriminated against, and by whom. It is not my intention however to state that the discrimination of one group is worse than the other. That said, in defense of fat women, I have to highlight one difference first, which fat admirers may not realize.

Discrimination against admiration, or admirer?

There is something about the discrimination of fat women that many fat admirers do not experience. As the title of this article states, it is about the discrimination of fat admiration, not being a fat admirer.

See, fat women are discriminated against because of their bodies. This means that they’ll always receive discrimination; not even clothing can fully hide their bodies.

Fat Admirers, on the other hand, are discriminated against because of their admiration. This means that they’ll only receive discrimination when being vocal about their fat admiration; which they can hide at will. Unless a Fat Admirer is fat themselves, they can receive discrimination, however, it’ll be about their body, not their admiration.

Why is this important? Because Fat Admirers can avoid discrimination by hiding their admiration; fat women can’t, because they’re fat, period. If we’re going to cover this topic, Fat Admirers need to understand that this isn’t exactly a level playing field.

That said, regardless of whom is discriminated against, both are bad, and need to end.

Now that I’ve covered the difference between the discrimination against fat women and Fat Admirers, let’s focus on the latter.

Discrimination against fat admiration in society

I can be rather brief about the discrimination of fat admiration in society; it happens, and it’s unforgiving.

Basically, anyone, male or female, young or old, and from all walks of life, can discriminate against fat admiration.

What many people may be unaware of, is the discrimination against fat admiration from individuals within in the plus-size community. See, that happens too, and perhaps it’s even worse than discrimination from society because you least expect it from there!

Discrimination against fat admiration in the plus-size community

When you mention “discrimination” in the plus-size community the image that people get is of a fat person being ridiculed. We all know that both fat men and women are treated worse than thin people in and by society. Fat people are deemed ‘disgusting’, ‘lazy’, ‘unhealthy’, and a plethora of other nasty things.

One reason why fat women are frowned upon as well though is because it’s assumed men aren’t attracted to them. And the reason for that is because many men who admire fat women aren’t open about that admiration. This is called ‘being in the (fat) closet’. A person who is in the closet is called a ‘Closet Fat Admirer’.

And one of the reasons why Closet Fat Admirers aren’t open is because fat women reject their admiration.

For a long time, I blamed the media and society for the discrimination of fat women, and to a large degree womanly curves in general. But after I began posting videos on YouTube I quickly found out that even if you are open about your admiration for the very women you speak favorably of – and whom you’d think they’d at least appreciate that openness – some of those women can turn against you just like the media and society do. I am talking about a group of women who seem to think that when men are open about their admiration that they expect some kind of praise from those women for it, and that the women they openly admire should be thankful to them for doing so. While it may be true for some men, it doesn’t mean that each and every man who openly admires women of size expects to receive praise and thankfulness. — Generally speaking men who expect praise and thankfulness are low self-esteemed individuals who instead of romancing a woman with charm use manipulation to attempt to attract women, as in “You should feel lucky to even get a man like me.”. — When I first was accused of being such a man who has some kind of expectancy of gratitude I was completely taken by surprise. I never wanted praise, I never wanted women to thank me. For me this has always been a natural progression, to be and stay open about what type of women I found and find attractive (which often lean towards the more curvaceous kind). However, for this group of women, it doesn’t end with simply reprimanding men on their openness.

In February of 2017, I was pointed by a friend to an upcoming BBW party here in the Netherlands. I was unfamiliar with the organizer of the event, so I took it upon myself to contact her and subsequently exchanged a few messages. At one point in the conversation, I made some remarks about my dismay with many of the men at past Dutch BBW parties being reserved, that they never seem to be open about their admiration of larger women. The party was advertised as a venue where you can be “large and beautiful”, so I figured that expressing admiration and talking about it with other men wouldn’t be shunned either. So I asked why those men supposedly wouldn’t be interested in having such conversations, and the response I got was one that is very typical in this community.

To make a long story short, the conversation ended up in a heated debate. It was argued that the party wasn’t about a fetish. To be honest, I wasn’t surprised by this response. You see, this group of women translates ‘admiration’ into ‘fetish’. Now mind you, I didn’t say anything about them having to be admired. Fair enough, it may have been a party where the intent was to avoid the whole admiration thing, and just for big people and their loved ones and friends to feel safe, away from the usual scrutiny of them by onlookers, but then why advertise it as an event wherein being beautiful at your size is great? I replied that I was disappointed in her response, particularly with regards to her fetish remark, and that at this point I was ready to leave the conversation. However, after I voiced my dismay and basically left the conversation a co-organizer took it over and after more unsettling exchanges it ended in a flame war.

Fortunately, this sort of thinking is sporadic in the plus-size community, but as infrequent as it rears its ugly head, those men who want to be open about their preference for plus-size women and by sheer bad luck run into women like this, will not be welcomed but rather given a cold shower instead. In the bigger picture of things, when women exhibit this kind of behavior to other men I can fully understand why the next time they think about complimenting a woman they admire they will think twice about doing so. This is what I call ‘discrimination of fat admiration’, and it is done not just by those whom we expect it from (the media and society), but by the very women we admire! And this is a BIG problem because if it’s one thing that women of size, in general, do not need, is more men who are not openly admiring them, or, in other words, subtract from the pool of men who are openly admiring them. You see, the thing that happens is that when men stop being open that acts as a catalyst which facilitates more discrimination.

The only thing necessary for the triumph of evil is for good men to do nothing. ~ Edmund Burke

Do you think that if enough of the male population would be open about their preference for larger women there would be such a vast stigma on them as there is today? I can guarantee you there wouldn’t be.

In a later message, the co-organizer let me know that there shouldn’t have to be the kind of attention that I facilitate with my work on YouTube and on this website. I argued with her that yes, in a perfect world where everyone would accept one another that wouldn’t have to be the case. — But this world isn’t perfect, and many women and men have praised and thanked me, even though I have never wanted praise or thankfulness. Their letters showed me that there is a need for this kind of vindication. — In elaborating my response to her I drew a parallel with ‘Doctors without borders’, and said that in a perfect world there wouldn’t be any wars, but that there are. I then asked her if she likewise would expect the people working for the said organization to cease their work as well, because there shouldn’t be war in the first place. The point I was trying to get across to her is that the world is the way it is; there is discrimination, and there are wars, and there are people who try to do good in this world and (attempt to) fix at least some of the mess in it. I argued that it’s not helpful to tell those individuals that they have a fetish “shouldn’t expect praise and thankfulness” (because most of us don’t anyway), and that what they preach “is a fetish”, and that when you are the one they admire and you say those things, then you are hurting them as well as their cause and the plus-size community as a whole.

Perhaps you may find that the concerns raised in this article are a bit far-fetched, or exaggerated, but for someone who has been part of this community and researched the mechanics of discrimination, this is a very real issue and a concern. For those of you women who read this and in the future may express your displeasure for men who are openly admiring you, please think twice about it because you’re directly responsible (not indirectly) for your own acceptance in society, and for other women like you.

Last updated: April 1, 2018